Individual Coaching Stories

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A gay man I know had been dating another guy and they had some conflicts. My friend told me about feeling overloaded and wanted to talk out the problems. The boyfriend insisted that they "sit down and talk". This was very difficult for my friend with all the pent-up feeling of the disagreement. Together we looked at his Personal Thinking Patterns™ and he learned that he consistently needs to move his body while talking, especially when there are a lot of feelings involved, in order to integrate the talk into the big picture of what is going on. It is likely that his boyfriend had a different Thinking Pattern, having expressed a belief that my friend "wasn't listening" because he wouldn't sit still!! In fact, my friend listens by moving!!! The solution was for them to have the discussion with the boyfriend sitting while my friend could walk freely around the room.

+++ TIP +++ Attitude / Intention check

If you should notice when setting out to do something that you don’t feel quite “right” about it — feelings of guilt, shame, whatever — you may want to ask yourself what you are intending. Even though the action or strategy might be to write your parent a letter, say, you might find that you are unconsciously intending to attack or punish them with something you have to say. Or to make them beholden to you. Or that there is something else you really have to say that you haven’t said yet and feel scared to express. Simply asking yourself usually opens up your willingness to be present with what you really want, so that you can do it with clarity and mindfulness, or choose a different strategy and action that accomplishes it better, if it is indeed what you want to do. For most people, being consciously aware of their intention feels good and empowering.

I wish you mindful clarity, positive accomplishment, and self-connection in your actions!